 |
How can you fight back against conservatives and their backward
policies when nothing they say ever makes any sense whatsoever? When
their words never seem to mean what you think they mean — which is most
of the time — this guide to speaking Republican comes in handy. After
all, as the famous Chinese general, military strategist, and philosopher
Sun Tzu famously wrote in his book, “The Art of War,” “So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.”
Here are just a few of the many rave reviews for our “Complete Idiot’s Guide To Speaking Republican.”
- “This helpful guide to speaking Republican really comes in handy – I wish I’d read it back in 2008, because my whole term would’ve turned out differently.” – President Barack Obama.
- “Dang! No wonder I can never understand a word they’re saying!” – James Carville, Democratic strategist.
- “Great book — hugely helpful. Now, when did you last take a Wall Street bank to trial?” – Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA).
- “I’ve forged a career and company based on the idea that anyone can learn to speak any language … but until I read this guide to speaking Republican, nothing they said ever made any sense to me.” – Eugene Stoltzfus, linguist and Rosetta Stone founder.
Read for yourself to discover what Republicans are really saying the next time you hear one of their bizarre phrases on Fox News.
The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Speaking Republican
- Numbers -- 9-11: Justification for torture and preemptive warfare abroad; and for domestic racial profiling and invasive security precautions at airports.
- 420: Another step down the slippery slope of drug legalization from California, the land of fruits and nuts.
- Abortion: Something far more immoral and tragic than the Death Penalty (see Death Penalty, Fetus, Pro-Life).
- Affirmative Action: The soft bigotry of low expectations. Unfair hiring and college acceptance practices resulting from institutionalized discrimination against white men.
- Activist Judges: Liberal or centrist state and federal judges whose decisions support civil rights, reproductive choice, consumer rights, and corporate accountability. The term does not apply to conservative judges whose decisions undermine civil rights, reproductive choice, consumer rights, and corporate accountability.
- American: The awesomest and the best (see Real American).
- Anchor Babies: Children whelped out by pregnant illegal immigrants who sneak across the border in droves to steal citizenship and free medical care for their brown demon-spawn, who will grow up and vote Democratic.
- Anti-Business: Anything requiring accountability, transparency, fair wages, consumer rights, non-discrimination in hiring/promoting, and/or environmentally responsible business practices.
- Ayn Rand: That’s “Ayn,” which rhymes with “mine.”
No comments:
Post a Comment