Introduction to Christmas Physics
While pondering the existence of Santa Claus at a very young age, I was
governed by the edict "Those who don't believe, don't receive". This
ensured loyality to the legend. However over the years I developed the
mind of a scientist and I collected suffient evidence to lead me to
postulate the theory of Christmas Physics, all of which explains Santa
Claus and his reported doings.
Christmas Physics is a distant cousin of quantum theory. The
Christmas phenomenon engery units, or "Santas", are convertible to
units of standard engery, times and space. This allows the the
apparent impossibilities of flying reindeer, around-the-world trip in
one night, etc. "Santas" are generated by particles of "spirited"
matter, known as "elves". "Elves" exists in nearly all lving beings
capable of doing good deeds or acts of kindness. As "Santas" are
generated, the being feels a sense joy/happiness/jolliness. However, a
critcal mass of "elves" must be present to start the energy
transformation. Only certain beings have a high concentration of
"elves" and can generate the hugh "Santa mass" required. These are the
"Santa Claus"s of our legends.
The shorter, colder days of
winter and small children act as catalysts for this reaction. These
catalysts allow beings with average amounts of "elves" ( less than
"Santa mass") to transform a limited amount of "santas".
Unfortunately, anti-santa energy , "humbug", can disrupt the local field
affect of "santa" conversion. The origin of "humbug" is unknown but
may be related to bad plum pudding and holiday traffic jams. The
interaction of high-engery "humbug" and large "santa mass" can lead to
the "scrooge cascade". The result of the cascade depends on the
quanta of each in the interaction.
Of course, this theory is
not restricted to Western cultural legends. As most large populations
have similar legends, this must be a universal occurance. Therefore,
the Santa Claus story is not so much a fairy tale but a misunderstand
of specialized physics.
=== DATA COLLECTION / OBSERVATIONS ===
WHAT'S MY PROOF? Every day you see bits of "santa" expressed by our
"elves" - in acts of kindess and generosity, in the hope of peace, in
the belief of a higher self. We seem to catalyze our "elves" around
Christmas. We make time to do things we never have time for the rest
of the year. We find addresses of old friends we contact only once a
year. We express feelings we overwise keep secret. We expect the same
from others.
=== CONCLUSION ===
So at Christmas time, let's work together to reach critical "santa" mass and make miracles happen...
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