Hatred, Denial, And The 'Gay But'

Something remarkable took place this week. Richard Posner, (left) a conservative federal appeals court judge, a man appointed by Ronald Reagan, (genuflect here) who looks and sounds like he came from central casting in response to a request for a cantankerous jurist, asked the attorney defending Wisconsin's same-sex marriage ban if hatred of gay people isn't the real genesis of the law. Even better, he didn't ask it like a man looking for an answer. He asked it like a man making an accusation.

It isn't everyday you get to hear a federal judge demand a gay rights adversary recognize for the record what the gay community has always known. Irrational, unreasonable hatred of gay citizens has allowed them to be assaulted, arrested, disrespected, deprived of their human and civil rights, and treated like second class citizens. That's the destructive energy that fuels the states' marriage equality prohibitions. If that isn't hate, what is?

Judge Posner: What concrete factual arguments do you have against homosexual marriage?

Mr. Samuelson: Well, we have, uh, the Burkean argument, that it’s reasonable and rational to proceed slowly.

Judge Posner: That’s the tradition argument. It’s feeble! Look, they could have trotted out Edmund Burke in the Loving case. What’s the difference? There was a tradition of not allowing black and whites, and, actually, other interracial couples from marrying. It was a tradition. It got swept aside. Why is this tradition better?

Mr. Samuelson: The tradition is based on experience. And it’s the tradition of western culture.

Judge Posner: What experience! It’s based on hate, isn’t it?

Mr. Samuelson: No, not at all, your honor.

"No, not at all your honor"? I don't hate gay people. I'm just standing here before you trying to keep them from the pursuit of happiness that is every American's birthright. 

There seems to be a new strategy afoot by the anti-gay forces, who for years have been successful at depriving gay Americans of equal treatment by vilifying them. For the last half century, since the time when Harvey Milk urged gays to "come out, come out wherever you are," every passing year makes that character attack less productive. It was one thing when gays could be cast as deviants and criminals and mentally ill, but people don't like their sons and brothers and friends called names and disrespected. As a result, the traditional "God hates fags" rhetoric has been softening. Gay rights opponents are transitioning to a new, more devious posture. The words may sound kinder, but the message is not. 

The same politicians, pundits and priests who once stood proudly and proclaimed their opposition to gays with words like "abomination", now preface their anti-gay remarks with a phrase like: "I don't hate gay people, but..." or "I have nothing against gay people but..." I named this tactic the "gay but" a few years ago after Rick Santorum was ballsy enough to speak those very words on camera.

What you need to remember about the "gay but" phenomenon is that what comes after "I don't hate gays but..." is usually an example of the hatred the speaker has just denied.

The Penguin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a:

"deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group, or object."[2] Because hatred is believed to be long-lasting, many psychologists consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition than a temporary emotional state.

So do we know anyone who fits that "deep enduring hostility" description? How about the two anti-gay presidential contenders pictured at the top of this page: Rick Santorum, who compared gay sex with bestiality and Mike Huckabee, who blamed gays for the Sandy Hook massacre? Not so long ago, both of those gentlemen were proud to be leading the homophobe circus parade.

Surprise! Rick Santorum still thinks gay marriage must be fought like the terrorism that gave us 9/11, but Rick Santorum 2.0 does not hate gays. Here's what he said:

"I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone who’s homosexual. If that’s their orientation, then I accept that..."

And do you know who else doesn't hate gays? Mike Huckabee. Yes, he still doesn't think gay people should be able to marry or adopt, but here's what the new and improved Mike Huckabee said at the Iowa Faith and Freedom convention:

“I’m not against anybody. I’m really not. I’m not a hater. I’m not homophobic. I honestly don’t care what people do personally in their individual lives..."

These new "I have nothing against gays" demurrals seems to be catching on among conservatives. Of course, the truth is the hatred is still there, and it's not hard to find. It's usually on display on the other side of that "gay but".

I don't hate gays but... I don't think they should be allowed to marry.
I don't hate gays but... I don't think they should be able to adopt.
I don't hate gays but... I don't think school children should know they exist.
I don't hate gays but... I don't think they should receive healthcare benefits for their partners.
I don't hate gays but... I think an employer should be able to fire him if he finds out.
I don't hate gays but... I don't think religious people should have to serve them.
I don't hate gays but...I think they should remain celibate.
I don't hate gays but... I think they should stay in the closet.

Can you imagine what these guys would be like if they did hate gays? (That was sarcasm, don't leave me angry comments.)

Every one of those "I don't hate gays" statements is an oxymoron. A contradiction in terms: I don't hate gays but... here's how I hate gays.

As you become aware of the new talking points by the same old talking heads, you will find they will often the follow the "gay but" by a religious excuse.

"I don't have anything against gays but the bible says..."

This is yet another oxymoron. If you feel you must not bake a wedding cake for a lesbian couple because of the bible, then, yes, you do have something against gays: your religious denomination of choice. That excuse is like being tried for a lynching and claiming it wasn't your fault because you're a member of the KKK and that's what they instructed you to do. So drop the "I have nothing against gays." You do. You can choose to follow one of the many churches out there worshiping a god that doesn't ask believers to hate anyone. Yes, I said hate. Many excuses have been proffered over the centuries, but denying someone his human rights is never an act born from respect.

Judge Posner asked an audacious question about the genesis of the same-sex marriage ban:

"It’s based on hate, isn’t it?"

"No, not at all" answered Wisconsin Assistant Attorney General Timothy Samuelson - and then came the "gay but". Mr. Samuelson told the Judge his very good reason for keeping loving couples from marrying is because of "experience".

Experience? What does that even mean? Trust us, we've come across their kind before and we learned from that experience society will collapse if we allow them to legally make a life with the person they love?