Reminder: Bachmann Isn’t ‘Retiring,’ She’s Leaving Disgraced Amid Criminal Investigations, Unpopularity

Because, as Martin Luther King Jr. said, the moral arc of the universe tends to bend in the direction of justice, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) is finally leaving office. With her, she takes a legacy of incompetence, hatred, and stupidity that may be hard to match.

In a farewell speech on the floor of the House, Bachmann was heavy on references to Moses (“Moses is given for the full honor of the greatest lawgiver in this chamber”) and cutting taxes (“we hold the power of the purse, we would hold the nation’s credit card…”).

As for why she isn’t running again, Bachmann came up with a reason so obviously fabricated that carefully calibrated “BS” detectors as far away as China probably picked up sizeable readings.

“Our Constitution allows for the decision of length of service in Congress to be determined by the congresspeople themselves or by the voters in the district. However, the law limits anyone from serving as president of the United States for more than eight years and in my opinion, well, eight years is also long enough for an individual to serve as a representative of a specific congressional district.”

Yes. You see, our Constitution does not require congresspeople to serve indefinitely. Nobody said it did. Nobody said Bachmann had to. But she just wants to be clear: legally speaking she doesn’t have to run again. Bachmann, benevolent to her people, has decided that eight years is long enough.

While taken at face value it’s simply one more dumb statement made by a person who made delivering dumb statements an artform, what Bachmann is ignoring here is that she isn’t choosing to leave office. Not really. She’s being forced out by a consortium of factors that all but made her ouster a foregone conclusion.

First, there are the criminal charges. Despite hinting at running for president again in 2016, Bachmann’s last bid did not go well. She was an early contender in the Republican primaries, but was left undone when donors and voters began to realize that she was unelectable. She is unapologetically racist towards Hispanics (America’s fastest-growing demographic), casually suggesting they are disease-ridden and inherently criminal. She hates gay people in ways rivaled only by her colleague Rick Santorum. She is openly condescending about poor people. She also makes a fool of herself almost every time she opens her mouth.

Voters ran for the hills, slowly moving on to other, newer unelectable candidates until finally settling for Mitt Romney. In the meantime, Bachmann’s flagging presidential campaign managed to rack up an impressive amount of campaign violations.

Shortly after the election, the FBI announced that Bachmann and her husband Marcus were currently under investigation for money laundering, wire fraud, and mail fraud. According to David Shuster at the Huffington Post, things do not look great for Bachmann’s defense that she was merely surrounded by incompetent staff and had nothing to do with the fraud personally:

According to sources close to the criminal investigation of Bachmann’s presidential campaign, the FBI has now been given sworn testimony and documents alleging Bachmann approved secret payments to Iowa state Senator Kent Sorenson in exchange for his help and support in that state’s 2012 Presidential caucuses. Ethics rules explicitly prohibit Iowa lawmakers from accepting payments from Presidential campaigns or PACs.

But it gets worse. Bachmann isn’t just a potential criminal (something which is not necessarily a dealbreaker for the Republican voter), she is also almost laughably unpopular in her own state. In 2012, her last election, Bachmann had to outspend her Democratic opponent 12-1 in order to beat him… by one percent. And that was in a district that is blood red. So red, in fact, that the Democratic party hardly bothered to help their candidate, Jim Graves, until the end when it dawned on them that Bachmann could possibly lose. In case a friend ever argues that “voting doesn’t matter,” Bachmann beat Graves by just 4,000 votes.

And as the Atlantic points out, Bachmann appears to have desperately wanted to be reelected. In May of 2013, around the time she would need to start campaigning, she paid for some initial television ads to help kickstart her campaign… then quietly scrapped them.

According to GOP strategists, the party was actively encouraging Bachmann not to run. The UK’s Daily Mail spoke to one, who dryly noted:

“Bachmann has a less than 50-50 chance of winning again, and she knows it,” that GOP strategist said. 

“She’s probably bowing out gracefully so the RNC has plenty of time to find another candidate. That way if she ever runs for office again – say, for governor of Minnesota – she won’t have to worry about bridges she burned.”

So as we take in Michele Bachmann’s farewell tour (she’s already hitting up the major networks for interviews), we should keep in mind that she is not leaving on her own terms. She has been ousted by her own vileness. As she puts together a campaign for her inevitable 2016 presidential run, we must never forget why she isn’t still in office in the first place.

Watch: Michele Bachmann Whines About Obama Being ‘Condescending’ Toward Her During Christmas Party

I’m not going to lie, a part of me is going to miss having Michele Bachmann as a member of our Congress. Not because I think she did a good job as one of our nation’s representatives, but because she was just so absolutely ridiculous. In my opinion, I’m not sure if anyone personifies the tea party movement any better than Bachmann. Someone who just rambles off incoherent talking points that make absolutely no sense, but they sound fantastic to people who don’t like to think for themselves.

Oh, yeah – and everything is President Obama’s fault. In fact, that should really be the motto of the tea party. No matter what’s going in on your life, just blame Obama.

Well, as most of you probably know Bachmann’s last days as a congresswoman are upon us. But before she could make her exit from Washington to take a gig at Fox News and retire as a public representative, she had one last congressional Christmas party to attend. And apparently she had one last crucial piece of advice to give to the president…

Bomb Iran.

No, seriously, that was her last bit of “advice” to President Obama:

“The president smiled, and he was fairly condescending and patronizing and said, ‘Well, it’s not quite that easy, Michele. But that’s okay,’ like I’m just, you know, an idiot and I don’t know anything.”

Poor, poor Michele. It seems the president was a bit condescending toward someone who’s spent the last six years lying and fear-mongering against him to such levels that she has one of the most abysmal ratings for telling the truth of anyone on the fact checking site Politifact.

Not only that, but “bomb Iran” is an awfully stupid piece of advice. That in and of itself proves how little she understands about the world in which we live. You don’t just “bomb Iran.” That’s something some backwoods idiot who thinks they can overthrow the government with ammunition and guns they bought at their local Walmart says. Yet this woman served in Congress for eight years.

It’s terrifying that someone this ridiculous represented this nation for that long.

But I loved how she felt the need to go on Fox News and whine about President Obama dismissing her idiotic “advice.” Did she expect him to say, “You know what, I never thought about that Michele. I think I’m going to do that – thank you”?

Typically when someone who’s very intelligent is approached by someone who isn’t with some kind of asinine comment, it’s really difficult not to be at least a tad bit condescending. Especially when it’s someone like Michele Bachmann who’s structured a large part of her political career around lying about the president.

And while I’d like to say Bachmann’s exit will be the last we will hear from this buffoon, it’s only a matter of time before she takes her place where most ex-GOP politicians go, as a Fox News paid contributor.

Because nothing says “fair and balanced’ quite like employing nearly every single high-profile former Republican member of Congress.

Watch her comments below via Fox News:

MARCUS BACHMANN GETS HIMSELF IN A TIZZY OVER THE PUBLIC'S CRITICISM OF HIS 'EX-GAY' THERAPY CLINIC

Political spouse, 'doggy sunglasses' shopper, human grapefruit. Like Barbie herself, there are a multitude of roles that Marcus Bachmann has dressed up as throughout his life. But by and large the role he takes the most heat for is his day job as a sexual orientation conversion therapist at his Counseling Care clinic in Minnesota.

Right Wing Watch reports Bachmann spoke with the "Understanding the Times" radio program this weekend and managed to get all hot and bothered discussing the criticism he and his clinic face just for trying to create "a safe place" for people to overcome their "issue with same-sex attraction"

"We are people of ethics," he explained.

PO

Crazy Eyes: All Money Sent Home By Immigrants Should Be Taxed At 100%

Miranda Blue writes at Right Wing Watch:

In a conference call with the anti-immigrant group Numbers USA last week, Rep. Michele Bachmann called illegal immigration a “war against the American people” and suggested that the U.S. levy a 100 percent tax on money that immigrants send back to Mexico, Honduras, El Salvador and Guatemala in order to put pressure on those countries’ governments. The Minnesota Republican spoke just before House Republican leadership handed its immigration policy over to her and Rep. Steve King. “When are we going to get serious and really deport and deport right on the border?” Bachmann asked. “Mexico, El Salvador, Honduras and Guatemala, those countries are laughing at us because they’re making money with their corrupt governments in conjunction with these international criminal cartels, they’re all making money and kickbacks,” she said. “What I believe we should do is have a 100 percent tax on remittances, the money that illegal aliens send back to these countries.” Of course, many legal immigrants also rely on sending money to family members in their home countries, something that would be made virtually impossible by a 100 percent tax.

Tea Partier Michelle Bachmann Wants to Put Refugee Children Into Concentration Camps!

Michele Bachmann has devised a solution to the problem of what to do with the Central American children streaming across the border fleeing violence in their homelands, and it is so painfully simple it’s surprising that no one has thought of it before! Get this: labor camps where refugee children would be “Americanized” for half of the day and work to earn their keep the other half! Oh, wait, wasn’t something like that tried once before, in Nazi Germany?

KCTV reports that Bachmann told conservative radio host Jason Lewis that she would like to see these children sent to what she euphemistically refers to as “Americanization facilities” where the would be taught to speak English and “allowed” to work and, as payment for their labor, be given a fast track to citizenship.

According to KCTV she told Lewis:

“We’d of course want these facilities to be ideal, you know, for the children to work and learn. They’d spend half of their day working, and the other half learning what every child should learn, and that’s English, you know, English and American history. And as soon as they learn English with some degree of fluency, they can attend local schools, maybe with a voucher program, or something like that. And then they could work when they aren’t in school. 

I think this is a great way to bring businesses into the Texas and Arizona areas, and maybe other states struggling with low employment opportunities, thanks mostly to Obama’s policies. Once these kids grow up, they’d leave a big gap of new job opportunities, and that’s what this is all about. It’s about opportunity, not just for these kids but for the American people. It helps the businesses, and if we can raise fifty-thousand God-fearing, English-speaking Americans, who understand real American values, then I’d say it’s a job well done.”

Not surprisingly some have questioned whether this is the appropriate way to deal with these children, Jose Antonio Vargas an immigrant from the Philippines and immigration activist said of the plan:

“She wants to create Republican indoctrination camps and force these poor children into lives of indentured servitude. She’s talking about labor camps where we raise an army of future Republican voters, and work them like slaves until they get old enough to possibly deport, if it comes to that. No one should be taking anything this woman says seriously.”

In One Sentence, Michele Bachmann Proves How Ignorant Republicans are about the Constitution

I often comment about how hypocritical Republicans are when it comes to our Constitution. They’re usually the first to stand on a pedestal and speak about the importance of “Constitutional values,” yet they seem unable to even grasp the basic fundamentals of what that even means.

And while most people with common sense already know this, Michele Bachmann perfectly showcased Republican ignorance about our Constitution in one sentence.

While speaking with conservative host Lars Larson, Bachmann said that gay people have “so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don’t.”

Though almost perfect, her next sentence really showcased true Republican ignorance about the Constitution.

“If you want take away my religious liberties,” she continued, “you can advocate for that but you do it through the constitutional process and you don’t intimidate and no politician should give away my religious liberties or yours.”

And that’s the sentence that shows the true ignorance Republicans have about our Constitution.

Advocating for equal rights for homosexuals isn’t “bullying” or “taking away” anyones religious liberties. It’s simply saying that it’s unconstitutional to discriminate against homosexuals based on religion - because that’s what our First Amendment says! 

First Amendment:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..”

Notice the whole part about not establishing religion? That means it’s unconstitutional (be it on a state or federal level) to pass laws that are derived from religious beliefs.

End of story.

So, there’s no need to “advocate” to take away her religious liberties on a Constitutional level because the First Amendment to the United States Constitution already does that for us. 

What these “activist judges” and “lawless President Obama” are doing is simply adhering to the Constitution which says laws cannot be based on religion.

It’s also ironic that these judges, who are making rulings based on the Constitution (which the Supreme Court sided with when they overturned DOMA), are actually using the “constitutional process” for which Bachmann seems to be advocating.

But the real problem is conservatives like Bachmann just don’t like how reality is proving time and time again that their values don’t seem to be Constitutional. They long for a version of our Constitution that exists in their minds, just not in reality.

Crazy Eyes Goes Nuts On Fox News

A furious exchange between Rep. Michele Bachmann and Fox News host Neil Cavuto got so heated today that the network abruptly cut to a commercial. Bachmann was invited on to discuss the lawsuit being filed by House Speaker John Boehner over the president's use of executive orders.

Cavuto exasperatedly pointed out that the timing of the lawsuit seemed too political to make sense. “You’ve been bemoaning it for a long time. Why now the suit?” he asked. “Why not just fix things that are very, very wrong now rather than dragging someone to court over whether they overstepped their bounds? It just seems to me like an enormous waste of effort.” Bachmann attempted to defend the lawsuit by hitting the GOP’s talking points, Cavuto wasn’t having any of it: "Where was your rage with Democrats when Democrats were going after President Bush on the same use of executive orders? Because I think you knew then that was a waste of time then. I think you know in your heart of hearts this is a waste of time now.” Eventually it devolved to the point where Cavuto abruptly took the program to a commercial break as Bachmann was in the middle of a loud denunciation of Cavuto.

Bachmann Hates That She’s Not Exempt From Obamacare Exchanges Thanks To GOP Amendment!

Michelle Bachmann claimed earlier this week that she had lost her health insurance due to Obamacare. She went on to tell Wolf Blitzer that her husband has specific medical conditions that need to be taken care of. When told she should be thankful that she won’t be denied or discriminated against for pre-existing conditions, Bachman stated “Actually, we were just fine before.”

While rendering herself as another victim of the Affordable Care Act, she admitted to not even checking the website to see if she could find better coverage for her family through the marketplace.

“Are you kidding? I’m not going to waste an hour on that thing,” she said. “I’m waiting until they fix this thing. I’m not going to sit there and frustrate myself for hours and hours.”

But Bachmann failed to mention that she and her republican colleagues are actually responsible for her alleged health insurance cancellation. Members of Congress are obligated to abandon their current employer coverage that is provided by the federal government and purchase a new plan through insurance marketplaces. This is thanks to Republican members of congress who formerly created this policy, known as the Grassley Amendment, in attempts to cause complications for Democratic lawmakers.  It was strictly designed by Bachman’s conservative colleagues of the upper chamber and was passed through congress and made into law.

“We are forced to go on the websites and purchase the health insurance plan from the D.C. health exchange,” Bachmann said.

You can thank your friends for that.

A Gay John Boehner And Miley Cyrus As A Slutty Michele Bachmann Party On SNL

Saturday Night Live featured a gay John Boehner and Miley Cyrus as a slutty Michele Bachmann last night, celebrating shutting down the federal government in a house party themed “We Can’t Stop” parody music video that can only be described as brilliant or wildly offensive — or both.

The choice of portraying the Speaker of the House as gay certainly will raise many eyebrows, and if the intention was to malign Boehner by making him gay, well, that in itself is offensive — what do you think?

I watched the video repeatedly, with the sound on and off. The images are compelling, and from an artistic and political satire standpoint, brilliant: Drugged-up, over-sexed, out-of-control Tea Party and Republican politicians partying over their “successful” government shut down is a brilliant choice — wholly representative of the hypocrisy, greed, and immoral behavior that conservatives, Republicans, the religious right, the Tea Party, the “pro-family” contingent, the Koch brothers supported PACs and activists, and the willfully ignorant radical right have exhibited in increasing “volume.”

Watch:

Wolf Blitzer Grills Michele Bachmann on Her Anti-Obamacare Crusade

On Friday, Rep. Michele "death panel" Bachmann and CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer faced off in a heated argument over Obamacare and the proposed government shutdown. While Bachmann maintained her ridiculous assertion that "women, seniors, children are going to die" under the health care law, Blitzer didn't let her off that easily.

Republican Clown Show Heads to Egypt to Undermine the United States

When I think of sending members of Congress to a foreign country on a diplomatic mission, I think of well-seasoned politicians who have a long standing history of compromise and bipartisanship.  Those who work well with their colleagues even when they have differing views on certain issues.

What I don’t think of is the posse of Michele Bachmann, Louie Gohmert and Steve King heading to Cairo, Egypt on some sort of “mission of diplomacy.”

Because let’s face it, these are three of the most ridiculous members of Congress.  And by ridiculous I mean radically right-wing lunatics that only appeal to the furthest reaches of the Republican party.  These people make George W. Bush seem competent.

Yet there they went to Egypt to—support the U.S. policy against the recent brutal coup that overthrew the sitting Egyptian leader?

Oh no, they went there and praised the coup.  Even though the United States has publicly denounced the actions of the coup as extremely violent and brutal, so much so that aid to Egypt might be suspended.

New Book About Michele Bachmann

The new book, Bachmannistan: Behind The Lines, is a “tell-all book” about Michele Bachmann. It goes into the allegations for which she is currently under investigation by the Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) and exposes illegal and ‘un-Christian’ behavior in her presidential campaign. It is written by John Gilmore – who says he has met Bachmann “a handful of times” – and Peter Waldron, who worked on her presidential campaign.

Looking at the reviews on the book’s amazon.com page, it is immediately apparent that it is divisive, and not even along party lines. Some conservatives liked it, citing the “Christian” tone and revelations about Bachmann’s campaign personnel, while others disliked reading about her obvious failings as a candidate. Liberals and progressives, probably (like me) hoping to learn more about the ethics violations and why on earth she thought she could become president, are put off by the myriad of snarky put-downs of us, Democrats and the “liberal media.” It is fascinating that, even as the authors are revealing the corruption of their own party, they must get in attacks on those who they see as their foes. It will definitely make an impact on their sales when liberals and progressives realize that quips like this are peppered throughout the book:

“She drives liberals crazy but she’s no more an outlier than the pathetic Sheila Jackson Lee; less, actually, I would argue. Yet Jackson Lee gets a pass from the media because she’s a Democrat.”

“In the intellectually flaccid world of liberal ideas…”

“… Minnesota had not yet disgraced itself by electing Al Franken as senator.”

“The future always looks like the past, only worse, for progressives.”

“… no matter how low President Obama had set the bar for the office.”

“… she offered herself to America as a leader, when in fact she possessed no such skills. The same can be said of any number of democratic candidates but, somehow, they are better actors, thus getting away with it. Nothing else explains the success of the very unaccomplished Hillary Clinton.”

Michele Bachmann: 'Charlie Rangel Should Apologize To Tea Party' For 'Outrageous Comments'

Yeah right about the time hell freezes over!

 

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) is calling on Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-N.Y.) to apologize for negative comments he made about the tea party movement.

Rangel told the Daily Beast tea partiers are part of "the same group" of "white crackers" who fought against Civil Rights.

“It is the same group we faced in the South with those white crackers and the dogs and the police," Rangel said. "They didn’t care about how they looked. It was just fierce indifference to human life that caused America to say enough is enough. ‘I don’t want to see it and I am not a part of it.’ What the hell! If you have to bomb little kids and send dogs out against human beings, give me a break.”

Bachmann tweeted she would set up meetings for Rangel to explain his comments:

Rangel's comments weren't just reserved for the tea party. He said Republican "sabotage" is hurting America.

“Terrorists couldn’t do a better job than the Republicans are doing," Rangel said.

Michelle Bachmann wants to spank the President

Michele Bachmann’s fabulous husband
Marcus, being pilloried by Jon Stewart.

Michele Bachmann warned that Republicans should not pass immigration reform. Instead, Republicans need to “spank” President Obama and steak his “magic wand.”

You know who else wants to spank President Obama and take away his magic wand?

Bachmann ends her tirade, preciously, with the quote: “What’s wrong with us?”

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) on Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Minn.)

Pretty much what I always think of Michelle Bachmann

BREAKING NEWS! Bachmann will not seek re-election

In a new video, Michele Bachmann says that an 8-year term in the House is enough and she won't be seeking reelection even though she's perfect in every way possible.

The decision, she also notes, has nothing to do with  an ongoing ethics investigation into misconduct during her 2012 presidential campaign:

"It was clearly understood that compliance with all rules and regulations was an absolute necessity for my presidential campaign. And I have no reason to believe that that was not the case."

Looking directly into the correct camera, Bachmann says she'll continue to fight for family values, and all the things she hates about Obama.

"I fully anticipate the mainstream liberal media to put a detrimental spin on my decision not to seek a fifth term. Since I was first elected to Congress many years ago they always seem to find a dishonest way to disparage me. But I take being the focus of their attention and disparagement as a true compliment of my public service effectiveness."

You can almost see her nose grow during the video!