DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual.
We are part of a church group and I fear that if people in that group
find out they will make fun of me for having a gay child.
He won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as
if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday
for the past three years — I have a busy work schedule.
Please
help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen
to me, so maybe he will listen to you. -- Feeling Betrayed
DEAR
BETRAYED: You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your
own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or
so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person’s
sexuality is a matter of choice — to be dictated by one’s parents, the
parents’ church and social pressure.
I assume that my suggestion
will evoke a reaction that your sexuality is at the core of who you are.
The same is true for your son. He has a right to be accepted by his
parents for being exactly who he is.
When you “forget” a child’s
birthday, you are basically negating him as a person. It is as if you
are saying that you have forgotten his presence in the world. How very
sad for him.
Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong.
If you cannot learn to accept him as he is, it might be safest for him
to live elsewhere.
A group that could help you and your family figure out how to navigate this is Pflag.org.
This organization is founded for parents, families, friends and allies
of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this
challenge. Please research and connect with a local chapter.
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